Why Is It So Hard?
by TisTheEast
Summary: Towards the end of season 1, Scully is acting strange. Can Mulder figure out why and help through what is bothering her? CHAPTER 7B NOW HERE!
1. Default Chapter

*Title: Why Is It So Hard  
*Author: Juliet  
*Spoilers: Beyond the Sea and Darkness Falls  
*Timeline: Sometime between Beyong the Sea and The Erlenmeyer Flask  
*Reviews/ Reposting: yes please on both! To contact me on either front: pandora1251@yahoo.com will do the trick. I accept all reviews, but please note that all flames will be used for the roasting of marshmallows for s'mores....mmmm s'mores....  
*Disclaimer: I throw myself upon the mercy of Chris Carter and his team of television masterminds.....I am only toying with your creation as a homage to you greatness please forgive any offense I have caused thee by not bringing me up on a lawsuit...."I don't have much money but if I did, I'd buy a big house where Mulder and I could live."  
*Thanks: Joe for being a great friend and talking me through writer's block at 3am; sorry for making you almost miss Law & Order those few times and yes, I will work at your ice cream store...JENGA! Gabe firstly for putting together my new computer complete with dvd player, secondly for watching hours upon hours of X-files with me once said dvd player was hooked up, thirdly for never getting too jealous when we are watching X-files and I am anamored with a shirtless or shirted (now that's a great word, shirted) Fox Mulder, fourthly for providing interest and insight into my writing even late at night when you are half asleep in the car.   
*Author's Notes: I was a teenage X-files fan....ok actually when I watched the first episode of the X-files when it aired on September 10, 1993, I was a mere ten years old (actually I had just turned ten 2 and a half weeks before the pilot). But as I turned to pursuing my own acting career, I had to start taping episodes and watching them when I had rare breaks between shows. As the show turned to less Mulder and more Doggett (no offense to Doggett fans...I'm just a Fox girl!), I lost the drive to follow it faithfully. However as the last episode aired a week after my graduation, I felt a duty to watch.....and the floodgates were opened so to speak. My love for the X-files was reawakened, slowly at first but reawakened just the same. After watching the last epsiode I feltthe urge to watch the movie and the rest as they say, after I got my dvd player, was history. I've been lurking around fanfiction.net for as long as I can remember, but this is the first thing I've ever posted. So please be gentle for my first time, but let me know what you think. I am actually working on several original pieces and I use fanfiction to work through writer's block and general writing/plot construction practice so I welcome your input. Enjoy!!!  
  
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FBI Headquarters, Washington, DC  
11:43 am  
"So you see Scully, the idea of the saucer shape is totally impractical for intergallactic travel, and that's why modern scientists such as the Lone Gunman choose to study the more triangular shaped UFO's," Fox Mulder said triumphantly holding up the latest publication by the Lone Gunman. "They actually think that aliens have taken the old models and just made them sleeker and more sophisticated for the modern EBE on the go, kind of like the new Beetle."  
Mulder paused, flashing a playful smile to his partner who was seated at the computer across from him. He was hoping to see her crack a small smile at his Volkswagon comment, or more likely a laugh at his referance to the Lone Gunman as scientists. Instead he got dead silence.   
"Gee Scully, I know you're getting used to tuning me out, but I didn't realize you were that good," said Mulder teasing. However instead of the even more likely reply from Scully that she was that good because she had been forced to type all of their reports while he babbled on about UFO's, he was greeted with even more silence. It was then that Mulder noticed that Dana Scully was neither listening to a word he'd been saying for the last ten minutes nor typing her report on their most recent case. As he stepped closer, Mulder realized that Scully was staring out into space.  
Kneeling down and lightly putting his hand on her shoulder, Mulder whispered, "See something out there?"  
Shaken back to reality by her partner's voice in ear, Dana Scully whirled her chair around to find herself face to face with Fox Mulder. For a second time stood still as it seemed to have a habit of doing for the pair, each in a state of suspended animation brought on by the presence of the other. As the back of her mind screamed out a warning....or was it an encouragement....that if she moved any closer she would find herself kissing Mulder, Scully quickly replied, "I was just thinking how nice it would be if we had a window down here."  
As they both stood up, the moment broken, a still recovering Mulder managed to cheerfully say, "I'm starved, how 'bout we get some lunch Scully? I'm buying."  
  
The Rib Hut, Washington DC  
12:30 pm  
"Mulder I don't know how I let you convince me to come here," Scully said staring in disgust at the rack of prime ribs sitting on her partner's plate.  
"Oh come on Scully," Mulder said between mouthfuls of rib. "You're a doctor; you've got to know how a good healthy portion of iron does a body good."  
"Mulder," Scully replied giving him the patented look as she picked at her salad. "I seriously doubt that the carcass on your plate qualifies as a 'good healthy portion' of anything."  
As Scully went back to picking at her salad, Mulder took the opportunity to think about the events that had occurred earlier that day. For Scully to be so completely out of it at work was something Mulder was not at all used to. Dana Scully was his rock, his anchor to the real world, and if she was slipping away then he didn't know what he would do. As Mulder's worries began to gnaw at his heart almost as fast as he was gnawing at his ribs, he knew he had to say something. The longer the silence between them remained, the more Scully stared out the window of the resteraunt no longer interested in her barely touched salad, the greater the void in Mulder's heart grew.  
"Scully, are you happy?" Mulder blurted out shaking her from whatever thoughts had been plauging her throughout the day.   
"Mulder what in the world are you talking about?" Scully said going back to her salad.   
"Are you satisfied with your life?" Mulder asked immediately looking back down at his plate and wondering what the hell he was doing. This conservation was definately heading toward that category of 'things we do not talk about.' Scully for her part remained totally composed saying, "Of course Mulder, why wouldn't I be?"  
"Nevermind Scully," Mulder replied taking a long sip of his soda then looking up with a charming but feigned wink. "Just being my old paranoid self."  
"This is about earlier isn't Mulder," Scully began wishing that a saucer --or was it a triangle-- shaped UFO would crash through the ceiling to put a hault to this conversation. "Because there were no hidden agendas, secret messages, or   
unspoken ideas in my earlier comments."  
"But..." Mulder began knowing there was something she wasn't telling him, wishing she would just open up to him.   
"Mulder, please don't make this into something it's not," Scully snapped. Seeing his rather surprised expression at her anger she continued in a gentler tone, "I was tired and thought that if we had a window in our office, seeing the sun would've woken me up."  
"It means a lot to you doesn't?" Mulder asked quietly.  
Scully sighed as she got up from the table, "No Mulder, it means nothing to me, especially since we are in the basement so what I want is impossible."  
As Mulder paid the check, Scully went out to get the car. Watching his partner walk away drifting back into that world of her, that world that he so desparately wanted to be a part of, Mulder said softly to himself, "If it's what you want, then it means everything to me." 


	2. Chapter 2

The next day  
FBI Headquarters, Washington, DC  
9:45 am  
As the door to the basement office swung opened, Dana Scully quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and placed the framed photograph she'd been holding under a stack of files. "You do realize that we have five minutes to get up to Skinner's office so that we can explain how you racked up such a large budget on our last three cases."  
"Me?" Mulder gawfed slipping a cup of coffee into her hands. "I believe it was all a joint effort my dear."  
As she rose and gathered up some files, Mulder noticed how red and puffy her eyes looked. Stepping towards her he quietly asked, "Scully have you been crying?"  
Forcing herself to smile Scully answered, "Just seasonal allergies. We're going to be late."  
Frowning as she breezed past him out the door, Mulder wondered why her so-called 'seasonal allergies' had never manifested themselves on their recent trip to the red wood forrests of Washington state, but then Mulder recalled that the trip in question had presented an entirely different set of problems for the duo that would've made allergies look like a day in the park. Mulder sighed as he and Scully boarded the elevator. She looked tired, like she had just drifted off into one of those dazes that were becoming a habit and just forgot to sleep.   
Mulder realized how ironic this was. Only a few months before, he had devised a million and one ways he could ditch his new partner before he'd even met her. Besides he had figured that his own 'Spooky' reputation and methods would get rid of her before he'd ever have to employ the aforementioned tactics. But Scully was different. She was confident, brave, intelligent, and passionate about the things she cared about while also being tolerant of crazy ideas and cryptic leads. She was everything Mulder wished he could be but knew that he would never be, and now he depended on her so much for both her intelligence and moral support, that he couldn't imagine going for any period of time without seeing her face.  
Mulder only hoped that Scully didn't realize how blatantly he was staring at her on the slow elevator ride to Skinner's office. Thankfully, she had her eyes focused on the contents of one of the folders she was holding. As she frowned slighty, most likely at her partner's horrible handwriting on an expense form, Mulder noticed that she had a slight smudge of mascara on her cheek. Without a word, he reached up and gently wiped it away.   
"You've got a little smudge," Mulder said softly praying that the elevator doors would stay shut for just another second. "But I got it."  
"Oh," Scully replied blushing slighty at his touch, then looking questioning at him.  
"You look fine," he answered reading her thoughts and still marveling at the softness of her skin. Before either could say anymore, the elevator doors opened depositing the pair in front of AD Skinner's office.  
  
FBI headquarters, Washington, DC  
6:30 pm  
Dana Scully sighed unhappily as she stared at the clock in the small basement office. It was now an hour and a half later than she had intended to stay at work, the office was a mess.  
"Mulder, I can't believe you think you're actually going to find anything in that pile of junk," she said to her partner who was crawling on the floor in a small storage room adjacent to their office.  
"Scully, I can't believe you never noticed there was a door here," Mulder said digging through the stacks of books and files in the storage room.   
"Well, you're such a master of disguise 007," Scully replied picking up the maps and newspaper clippings that had adorned the door and setting them on top of the file cabinet that had previously held it's residence in front of the door   
"Oh wow," Mulder exclaimed happily. "I can't believe I found it!"  
"You found your psych profile on Orvil Floyd?" Scully asked in disbelief, prehaps there was a method to Mulder's madness.  
"No," Mulder answered popping his head out from the storage room. "But I did find an old class photo from Oxford. Wow is my hair still this bad?"  
"Mulder, is there some sort of point here?" Scully snapped. "Because I'm really not seeing anything productive in your little treasure hunt except a huge mess that I'll end up taking care off."  
"Well I just thought the profile of Floyd might help us gain more insight into this case before we go out on some wild goose chase," Mulder replied taken aback at Scully's sudden shift in moods.  
"This from the head goose," Scully muttered to herself shaking her head as the she pulled the picture from under the stack of files where she'd earlier placed it. Feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again she managed to choke out, "Mulder I'm going home okay?"  
"You sure you don't just want to take a break and order some Chinese," Mulder asked trying to wade his way out of the storage room through the stacks of files and mismatched papers.   
"No Mulder," Scully said tears shining in her eyes as she grabbed her purse and jacket. "I'm going home."  
With a slam of the door, Scully was gone, and Mulder was left alone to ponder what had just happened. Sinking in to the chair where his partner had been not moments ago, Mulder wished he could figure out why the normally calm and rational Scully had become an emotional rollercoaster. This had been the second time today he had seen her almost in tears, and this was much more disturbing than the morning had been. In mere moments she had gone from joking with him while making notes on files Skinner had presented them with to practically a nervous breakdown.  
Mulder closed his eyes for a second, wishing that when he opened them Scully would walk though the door with two cups of coffee saying she was just kidding. However when he opened his eyes, he was greeted with no such sight. Instead Mulder found himself staring at the table, trying to find any clue as to what had his partner so unhinged. About to give up, the dim light in the room cast a soft glint on the picture laying where Scully had left it on top of the files. The picture was of a man in uniform holding a little girl. It took Mulder only a second to realize that the man was a slightly younger version of Scully's late father. He then studied the little girl; she was small with vibrant red hair and blue eyes. The little girl had one arm wrapped around the man's neck while the other was holding the stethescope from a child's play doctor's kit. Of course, Mulder realized that little girl had to be none other than his partner, Dana Scully.  
  
Later that night  
Mulder's apartment  
11:21 pm  
The television produced an eerie glow in Mulder's apartment as he flopped down on the couch. He had stayed at the office all evening looking for the file on the Floyd case and even longer making sure the office looked spotless. His plan was to arrive early for work the next morning with a mocha and a bagel waiting for Scully to cheer her up from whatever issues surrounding her father's death she was still working through, and just in case there was a line at the coffee stand, the immaculate office would hold her over for sure.   
Mulder sighed as he flipped through the channels finding nothing on. Reaching for his laptop on the coffeetable, he decided to see if the Lone Gunman had sent any new conspiracy theories his way. Instead he was greeted with creditcard offers and advertisements for the newest model of the thighmaster. Rolling off the couch, he decided the only thing that could cure his boredom was a nice bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. He trudged over to the freezer grabbing a spoon out of the sink on his way. Who needs to dirty another bowl this late at night? Reaching into the freezer, Mulder was ready to savor every last bite in the container, but he was sorely disappointed to find only one bite of ice cream left.   
"This is the last time I let those guys house sit while I'm out of town," Mulder growled remembering Frohike's insistances that he had gone to the store and replaced everything that he, Byers and Langly had eaten during their stay.  
  
All Nite A&P  
12:00 am  
Fox Mulder was a man on a mission. He swiftly darted through the aisles of the market searching for only one thing: mint chocolate chip ice cream. Victory was in reach as Mulder arrived in the freezer aisle. Spotting his brand of choice, Mulder reached into the freezer case, oblivious to the woman browsing next to him. Like clockwork, Mulder and the woman both went for the same ice cream at once: the last container of mint chocolate chip. As Mulder sighed, ready to admit defeat in favor of chivalry, he was greeted by a familiar face.  
"Mulder, do you ever sleep?" Scully asked quietly.   
"Only when I'm not finding some way to bother you in the wee hours," Mulder retorted with a smile. To his joy, Scully cracked a small grin, it was one of the few times he'd seen her smile all week.   
"You are just buying ice cream right Mulder?" Scully then asked warily. "Not trying to tell me we're going to Hickville, USA to investigate pyrotechnical alien liver eating ice worms?"  
It was Mulder's turn to laugh, "No Scully, even Spooky Mulder just craves some mint chocolatae chip now and then." The he turned serious, "What about you Scully, don't you ever sleep?"  
"What are you talking about Mulder," Scully asked not able to look directly at him.   
For his part, Mulder decided to proceed with caution, saying, "Well I don't know Scully, it's just everytime I've seen you recently you look so tired and run-down. I don't know, I'm just not used to seeing you like this, that's all."  
Scully sighed inwardly, why did Mulder have to be so damned caring all of a sudden? She enjoyed having him as a friend but it wasn't as if she could just go crying to him everytime something got to her. It didn't work that way; it couldn't ever work that way. Placing a hand on his arm and feigning a smile she said, "You've done a good job of keeping me on my toes the last couple of weeks Mulder. Give me a weekend to relax and everything will be fine."  
As she walked away leaving him with the last container of mint chocolate chip, Mulder realized that the ice cream was a consolation prize; one he was all too disappointed to recieve. He wondered why it was so hard to get through to her, to make her see that he really did care. It seemed that in the last few weeks, everytime he reached out to her she pulled away with some insincere excuse about allergies or work. Granted that when they had first met and started working together, Mulder had been less than enthusiastic about Scully's presence in his life, but now he welcomed her skeptical logical and adored the dry wit she'd toss around with him on a good day. Hoping the clean office and coffee would bring Scully's smile quotient up to par in the morning, Mulder paid for his ice cream and headed home. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next day  
10:30 am  
The ringing of his cell phone caused Mulder to jump a good 5 feet from his perch behind his desk and spill his fourth cup of coffee all over his white shirt. "Mulder," he growled wishing he could start the day over again.   
"Dude you are never going to believe what Byers managed to dig up last night on the net," came an excited Frohike over the phone. "We found evidence that microwave ovens are being used as mind control devices in the common American home."  
Looking down as his shirt and the puddle of coffee on his desk Mulder snapped, "Frohike, did you ever think that some of us have jobs that they are supposed to be doing right now?"  
"Am I keeping from some important discovery regarding EBE's? Because if so I can get the low down on it from you later," Frohike replied.  
"No," Mulder sighed wiping his shirt with the closest thing to a napkin he could find, a piece of computer paper. "I'm just waiting for the door to open."  
"Well remember Mulder: a watched door never boils," Frohike replied hanging up as Mulder stared at his empty cup of coffee and his damp shirt. So much for the tidy office for Scully, who for probably the first time ever was late for work. Stalking over to the ancient coffee machine on the corner table, Mulder wondered why she hadn't even bothered to call him. He was so consumed in his own frustration, that he didn't notice the door opening as Scully entered the office.  
"Mulder," Scully said taking a cautious step into the office. Mulder for his part was so startled by her voice behind him that he jumped, spilling more coffee on his shirt.  
"Are you okay?" Scully asked rushing over to him.  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Mulder grumbled reaching for more computer paper. "The heating coil is broken so it's gross cold coffee that I'm covered in."  
"What are you doing," Scully asked gesturing to the computer paper he was blotting his shirt with.  
"I couldn't find any napkins," Mulder replied not looking at her, still wanting to brood over her tardiness.  
"Well of course you couldn't. You cleaned this place so well I bet you could barely remember where you put your desk," Scully replied digging into her purse. After a moment she produced a wad of tissues from her bag. Pushing him gently against a table she said, "Have a seat."  
Pleased that she had noticed the clean office, Mulder decided the drop the stubborn fifth grader act for a few minutes and comply. Letting her dap at the huge coffee stain on his shoulder in silence for a minute or two, Mulder smiled at her kindness.   
For her part, Scully was glad he had given both of them the chance to drop their defenses for a few minutes, even if his shirt had to pay the ultimate price. She knew that any second now Mulder would ask her where she had been earlier in the morning, and she really didn't know how she could lie convincingly to him. It still amazed her that she and Mulder had not even known each other a year, and yet she considered him one of her best and only friends. Maybe that's why it was so hard to tell him what was on her mind recently; the fact that she would be letting him down. As she continued to dab at Mulder's shirt, she wished there was some unrealized choice that would satisfy everyone and not force her to choose someone to disappoint.   
"So did you ever find what you were looking for last night?" Scully asked trying to sway her thoughts back to work.  
"Yeah," Mulder replied as Scully moved to sit across the room, all hope for his shirt being lost. "You know I managed to save you a good bit of that ice cream being that it was the last carton in the whole store and you left without so much as a goodbye."  
Scully merely raised an eyebrow at him, tapping her fingers on the desk impatiently.  
"But yes, I found the file. It was actually only about ten minutes after you decided to go home, again without so much as a goodbye. Am I sensing a pattern here," Mulder continued knowing that very soon he was going to find himself on thin ice.   
Catching the file her partner had tossed to her Scully began skimming through an old profile Mulder had written of serial killer Orvil Floyd. Even ten years ago, Mulder had suspected that Floyd possessed some kind of telekinetic abilities, which he may have inherited from his mother.   
"Well am I?" Mulder said deciding, agianst his own good judgement, to the press the issue.  
"Are you what?" asked Scully with her nose still buried in the file.  
"Am I sensing a pattern or not?" Mulder replied.  
Pausing for a moment to continue reading, Scully then looked up at her partner who was staring intensly at her. Choosing her next words very carefully Scully said, "Why yes Mulder you are. It seems that Floyd had a fixation with geometric imagery, killing each of his victims with an object he viewed to be a 'perfect shape.' Now Floyd has been dead for about five years, so whoever is committing these copy-cat crimes must be someone who shares that same fixation. You mentioned in here that Floyd has a half-brother. We should concentrate on finding him first and foremost unless there's something else you're not telling me on this."  
"I think the question I'm finding in all of this is," Mulder paused for effect, there was no way in hell he was letting her get down to business before he found out what was wrong. "Is there something else that you're not telling me?"  
"Mulder, do you mind letting me in on whatever's been bothering you this morning because otherwise we aren't going to accomplish anything and might as well both just call it a day," Scully sighed.   
Before he could answer, the phone rang. While Mulder continued to stew in his own frustration. He could believe that Scully's mystery of what was bothering him was actually the mystery of what was bothering her. It was moments like these that he wanted to crawl back into the file room for a couple of months and take in some reading on Big Foot and Godzilla as they would probably be easier to decipher than his partner's shifty behavior.   
Meanwhile Scully had answered the phone to an exuberant Langly. "Tell Mulder that we really may have something on this microwave thing. I wanted to try testing it with him here because he knows more about psychology than we do," Langly chattered away.  
"Ask Mulder if his door ever boiled," Frohike said in the background as Langly corrected him saying that he was talking to Scully.   
"Nevermind," was Frohike's muffled reply.   
"Anyways," said Byers who had obviously picked up the other phone. "Tell Mulder we'll be by his apartment later to show him this awesome discovery."  
From the look on Scully's face, Mulder knew that the phone call had been from the Lone Gunman.   
"The 3 Stooges wanted to know if a playdate could be arranged for later tonight," Scully said.  
"Oh yeah, they want to show me this microwave oven test they just figured out," Mulder replied absently. "You want to join us?"  
"No thanks, I have things to do," Scully replied quickly.  
"The same things you do when rush away from work so quickly at the end of the day," Mulder said once again feeling like he was lauching an attack on the most secure fort in the world with a pocketknife. "The same things that made you late this morning?"  
"Mulder," Scully began slowly.  
"You know if you had forgotten to tell me when you left in that big rush yesterday, you saw me again at the grocery store," Mulder grumbled. "And there are these wonderful inventions called telephones. I don't know if you've heard but..."  
"My god Mulder," Scully said getting more and more angry by the minute. "I don't know if I've ever seen you act like more of a two year old in the entire time I've know you."  
"Well at least I don't run off and not tell you where I am," Mulder said instantly wishing he could erase his last statement as he saw his partner's blue eyes shift into an icey glare.  
"If I could give you some sort of exact number of the times you've done it to me," Scully said standing up.  
"Why don't you just tell me what is going on with you and we'll call it even," Mulder snapped.  
"Mulder did it ever occur to you," Scully began, and then the phone rang again. This time Mulder answered it trying not to let AD Skinner in on the argument that had been unfolding only seconds ago. Scully sank back into a chair folding her arms and looking away.  
"There's been another murder," Mulder said quietly hanging up the phone. He crossed over to Scully putting on a hand on her shoulder, though unsure as to whether he would get said hand back in one piece. "They want us to go take a look at the crime scene."  
Scully rose and made her way towards the door without so much as a word. Mulder followed her in akward silence. The only speaking that occurred on their way to the parking garage was done by Agent Hall asking Spooky Mulder if he'd found any aliens. The only reply Hall got was the look of death from Scully, which Mulder considered as an improvement to the silent treatment she was now giving him. 


	4. Chapter 4

Later that day  
Mulder's Apartment  
5:30 pm  
Mulder wondered if his neighbors would really notice that much if he let out a blood curtling scream in the parking garage to his apartment building because that's what he felt like doing when he realized that Scully had left her cell phone in his car. He had thought that maybe a weekend away from him would help her relax and get rid of whatever had her on edge, but now he'd have to show up at her door to give her back her phone and face the icy fortress she had been building up around herself all week. Mulder stared at the phone for a minute deciding that before he did anything, he needed to finish off that ice cream from last night. Picking up the dreaded object as if it were a dead rat, Mulder trudged up to his apartment and tossed his jacket and Scully's phone on the coffee table.  
As he ate his ice cream, Mulder's thoughts kept drifting back to Scully. What could be bothering her that much that she kept either storming off in a huff or just not speaking to him? Mulder shurgged to himself realizing that he was not exactly the best authority to try and decipher the female psyche no matter how great a profiler he was. His thoughts were finally interupted by a knock at the door. Mulder headed to the door, ready to deal with a probably very grouchy Scully.  
Peering through his peephole however, Mulder caught sight of the Lone Guman standing at his door, chattering excitedly. As they burst into Mulder's apartment with pizzas, file folders, and a laptop computer, the Gumen noticed how quiet their friend was being.  
"What's up man?" Langly asked presenting Mulder with his favorite kind of pizza, extra everything.   
"It's nothing really," Mulder replied. "Scully's just been acting really strange recently."  
"Well maybe still upset over her dad dying," Byers offered.  
Mulder nodded, "I think that's part of it, but I think there's something more. She's so quiet all of a sudden and when I try to ask her about she gets really upset."  
"Maybe she wants you," quipped Frohike his mouth full of pizza.  
Byers and Langly stared at him for a moment.  
"Or maybe she wants someone else?" Frohike shrugged going back to his pizza.  
"Or maybe," said Langly turning back to Mulder. "She's just..."  
"Dude," interupted Frohike. "Your jacket is ringing!" He pointed to Mulder's jacket which was still on the couch.  
Mulder reached under the jacket and stared for a moment. His cell phone had fallen out of his pocket right next to Scully's so he was now face to face with two matching cell phones, one of which was ringing. Yet again repressing the urge to scream Mulder answered the ringing phone.  
"Mulder," he barked.  
"Oh I'm sorry," said the woman on the other end. "Is this the number for Dr. Dana Scully."  
"Uhm yeah," replied Mulder knowing Scully would murder him for answering her phone yet wondering who would be referring to her as Dr. "She, uh, stepped out for a minute. Can I take a message?"  
"This is Dr. Tate from County Memorial. Dr. Scully had an interview with us this morning. Unfortunately the chief administrator has my only copy of her resume' and he's on his way to London. I was wondering if she could fax me over another copy."  
Mulder was in total shock, why was Scully interviewing at a hospital. Was she really going to leave the FBI, leave him?   
"Uh, sure," Mulder stammered to Dr. Tate. "I'll let her know as soon as she gets back."  
"What's up?" asked Langly aftering seeing Mulder's eyes just about bug out of his head during the phone conversation.  
Mulder sank down at his desk, rubbing his forehead as a horrible headache began. "That was Dr. Tate from County Memorial hospital wanting another copy of Scully's resume. She's quitting the FBI."  
**Stay Tuned For Chapter 5*** 


	5. Chapter 5 A

**Author's note: the next few Chapters will be divided up into 5a and 5b, 6a, 6b, etc for reasons that will be come clear as you read!!!  
Mulder's Living Room  
"Why in the world would Scully quit the FBI?" Byers mused to himself. "I mean it seems like you guys have a pretty nice situation over there considering it is the federal government and all."  
"What I do?" Mulder moaned.  
"I don't think you need to start blaming yourself here," Langly began.  
"Maybe she works for Them," Forhike interupted. "And this is all part of Their plan."  
"Oh shut up!" Mulder said exasperated. Luckily everyone did shut in time to hear a knock at the door. Motioning for everyone to be quiet, Mulder got up and peered through the peephole to see Scully standing at his door. For a moment Mulder didn't know whether he wanted to scream, cry, hide, or throw up.   
As if sensing his friend's anguish, Byers said, "You've got to talk to her."  
"But, if she sees us hauling ass out of here isn't she going to know something is up," Frohike offered.   
"Something is up," Mulder hissed as the knocking at his door got louder.  
"Well there's no time to sneak out, otherwise she's going to leave," Langly said looking around the apartment. Then he caught sight of the door to Mulder's bedroom.   
A few seconds later the door to Mulder's apartment swung open just as Scully was about to give up and walk away.   
"Sorry, I was jus watching a movie so I didn't hear the door," babbled Mulder.  
"Oh it' no big deal," shrugged Scully. They stood in a moment of akward silence. For her part Scully was wondering why she had decided to come Mulder's apartment in the first place. She should've stuck to her original plan of letting Mulder find out about her new job from AD Skinner, but somehow it didn't seem fair to the man who'd grown from being a mere co-worker to a close friend. Even now looking at Mulder, she felt herself reconsidering the decision she had made earlier that day.  
Mulder could tell that something was bothering her, but he was too involved in his own emotions to try and decipher what. However he could barely bring himself to look at her, to gaze into her perfect blue eyes and know that she was giving up on their quest, on him.  
"I, uh thought I'd stop by," Scully began suddenly wanting to be home, to be awy from his gaze that caused doubts to creep into her mind. "Did I leave my cell phone in your car?"  
"Yeah, I've got it. Will you come in for a minute?" Mulder asked hoping she wasn't just going to demand her phone and walk out of his life forever.  
"Having a party?" mused Scully motioning to the four pizza boxes scattered all over his coffee table.  
"Something like that," muttered Mulder.  
"I thought you and the Gunmen were investigating toaster ovens or something," Scully said peering around for signs of the three merry pranksters.  
"Microwave ovens actually but they aren't here yet," Mulder said as the noise of a cardboard box falling came from his bedroom.  
"What was that?" asked Scully surprised that she'd not even noticed the door on previous visits to Mulder's apartment.  
**Meanwhile in Chapter 5B** 


	6. Chapter 5 B

Mulder's Bedroom  
"Move over, I can't see anything," Frohike said trying to peer into the keyhole of the door with Byers.  
"Neither can I," Byers replied in a whisper.   
"Well Langly can," said Frohike motioning to Langly who was standing on some boxes to peek out the window about Mulder's bedroom door.   
"Ooh the tops of their heads, that's exciting," quipped Langly quietly.  
"Well at least you can tell who's who," replied Frohike letting his mind drift to Dana Scully's red hair.  
"You know Frohike, you may want to be just a tad bit quieter," Langly said from his perch. "If Scully finds out we were listening there's going to be hell to pay."  
"Are you sure we should even be listening," Byers asked thoughtfully. "I mean hacking into the Department of Defense is one thing, but Mulder's our friend."  
"Trust me, he'll appreciate our input," said Frohike trying to slap Byers on the back but instead whacking a small box, which made a small noise as it fell to the ground.  
"Will you be a little more careful," hissed Langly as he could hear Scully asking about the noise.   
**Stay Tuned for Chapter 6*** 


	7. Chapter 6 A

Back In Mulder's Living Room  
"Oh it must've been those boxes I have stacked up to the ceiling," Mulder said responding to Scully's question regarding the noise that had come from behind his bedroom door.  
"Oh," Scully replied softly as Mulder held up two identical cell phones.  
"Pick the right one and win a prize," he said forcing a smile. Smiling weakly, Scully pointed to the phone in Mulder's left hand. "Wow, you're good."  
"Well I'd better get going. Thanks for finding my phone," Scully said heading for the door. She knew that if she stayed a moment longer, was forced to look into Mulder's eyes for more than a second more, she wouldn't be able to control the tears she could feel brewing inside.  
"Scully, wait," Mulder exclaimed, almost too passionately for his usually low-key demeanor. As Scully turned to face him, Mulder took a deep breath. He silently coached himself not to get mad or say anything that would make her mad, just to address this issue like any civilized, rational adult would.   
"Why are you leaving me?" Mulder blurted out mentally kicking himself for such a sophomoric question.  
Feeling as if she had been punched in the stomach, Scully stared at her partner, "Mulder, that's not fair..."  
"Fair?" Mulder said disregarding his previous idea of addressing the issue like a rational adult. "Is it fair that I have to spend the entire week trying to figure out what the hell is bothering you, only to find out that you are leaving me?"  
"I didn't know that being your partner required me to run every decision by you first," Scully said dryly.   
"But you didn't even ask me what I thought," Mulder whined.  
"Well forgive me for not consulting the all-knowing, all-seeing 8th wonder of the world that is Fox Mulder. Mr. King of the whole universe himself!" Scully spat. "Did it ever occur to you that I can make my own decisions Mulder? You know I'm not just your little sidekick who spouts out scientific fact at your beck and call."  
Mulder was suddenly at a loss for words. How could Scully not realize how important was to the X-files, to him. Finally regaining his ability to speak, he asked, "Is that what you think you are to me?"  
"At times," Scully answered barely loud enough for him to hear. The guilty look that appeared in Mulder's eyes was enough to break her heart into a thousand pieces, and Scully hated herself for wanting to leave...and even more for waiting to stay.   
"Scully," Mulder said taking her hand as a clap of thunder outside signified the arrival of a storm that had been brewing all day. "I can't do this without you."  
"You were managing just fine until I showed up. You said yourself that you work better alone," Scully said more harshly than she had intented to.  
"I was teetering on the brink of total insanity," Mulder said taking a step closer to her as rain began rap softly against Mulder's window. "Then you appeared and brought me back to down earth. You brought balance back into my life, you evened me out, made me a whole person again."  
"Mulder, you can't honestly believe I did all of those things for you," Scully said suddenly getting angry at him for trying to flatter her into staying.   
"But I," Mulder began very hurt that Scully doubted the sincerity of his words.   
"No you weren't and no I didn't," Scully hissed trying to fight back the tears that were once again welling up in her eyes.   
"Look, I know you're upset about your father, and I repsect that, but you can't throw your life away just because it wasn't the life he wanted for you," Mulder snapped instantly regretting the statement when he saw the tears rolling down Scully's cheeks.  
Feeling as if she's had all of the air knocked out of her, Scully stared at her partner, disregarding the tears that were now streaming down her cheek. She had promised herself that this career switch was not because of some deep-rooted issues with her late father, but now hearing it from Mulder, Scully knew that it had been the entire time. All at once feelings of loss, guilt, and remorse swept over her, but for some reason, the idea of letting Mulder see her cry was a terrifying thought.  
"I..I think I should go," Scully said pulling away from Mulder's steady gaze and heading for the door as rain began to pour down in heavy sheets outside.  
"Scully...Dana wait!" Mulder shouted as Scully opened the door.   
As she turned back towards Mulder, shock at the use of first name, Scully realized that she wasn't the only one who was crying. A bolt of lightning caused the lights in Mulder's apartment to flicker, sending a chill through Scully's spin. It was almost as you could feel the electricity in the air.   
"I don't want to tell you how to live your life because you don't need anyone else doing that," Mulder began.  
"But that's exactly what you're doing Mulder, don't you realize that?" Scully said cutting him off.  
"Well what the hell do you want me to do?" Mulder shouted. "Say well Scully it's been fun, but have a nice life?"  
"Is that so much to ask?" Scully shouted back in order to be heard over the rain.  
"Yes it is," Mulder answered practically sounding like a two year old during a temper tantrum. "I need you Scully."  
"Will you quit being so damned irrational and act like an adult for once in your life?" Scully snapped as the lights flickered again.  
"You want irrational?" Mulder shouted over a giantic clap of thunder. He placed his hands on his shoulders and stared into her blue eyes. "How about I can't live without you? How does that suit you? How about you are the only person that I would go to ends of the galaxy and back for? What about that?"  
"Saying those things and meaning them are two totally different things Mulder," Scully said unable to break away from his gaze.   
"So you're calling me a liar now," Mulder snapped staring harder at her.  
"In a manner of speaking," Scully said glaring at him. "If you actually want to hear my opinion for once, I think you've gotten yourself so worked up that you don't know what you're saying anymore."   
"Well let me tell you something Miss High and Mighty," Mulder began getting right up in her face.  
"I hope your next partner is as understanding as I've been," Scully began at the same time looking up him.  
As a bolt of lightning riveted through the air causing the light's in his apartment to go out, Mulder's lips met Scully's for a short but passionate kiss. In this brief moment it seemed that fate had smiled upon Fox Mulder, and he wanted this moment to last forever. When Scully ended the kiss and broke away from their embrace, Mulder softly whispered her name in the dark. His only response was the door slamming shut as the lights came back on.  
**Meanwhile in Chapter 6B...** 


	8. Chapter 6 B

Mulder's Bedroom  
"Frohike, I want you to do something for me," Byers said once it was safe to talk again.  
"How can I be of service?" Frohike said picking up the box and placing it back with its fellow boxes.  
"Quit bumbling around," Byers whispered.  
"WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP FOR SECOND?" Langly hissed from his perch atop a different stack of boxes. Immediately Byers and Frohike shut their mouths and pressed an ear against the door. All three Gunmen could hear Mulder ask Scully why she was leaving.  
"Mulder really doesn't waste time does he?" Langly mused.  
"Guess not," Byers agreed.  
"Come on guys would you if SHE were at stake," Frohike asked. All fell silent again upon hearing the continuation of the arguement and Mulder's pleas to Scully to stay.  
"Wow, he's really got it bad," Byers said to Frohike.  
"Wouldn't you?" Frohike answered.  
"Hey guys be quiet, it's hard to hear over this rain," Langly said. "Wow she's really pissed."  
Byers and Frohike, who could now hear nothing because of the rain stood up. While Byers waited for the next report from Langly, Frohike started to climb the stack of boxes Langly was standing on.   
Not realizing what Frohike was doing Langly exclaimed, "Oh my god, he's going to ki....."  
All at once, the lights went out causing Frohike to loose his balance and the stack of boxes to tumble down with him landing on Byers. Langly, whose head was practically sticking out the window, was left holding onto the window frame for dear life.   
"What's going on?" Frohike asked from the floor.  
"I don't know, it's too dark," Langly said. Then the door slammed as the lights came back on. "She's gone."  
**Stayed Tuned for Chapter 7** 


	9. Chapter 7 A

Scully's apartment  
  
Somehow Scully managed to get her door unlocked despite the tears that had been flowing down her face ever since she left Mulder's apartment. Feeling very defeated, she sank into her couch letting her head fall into her hands.   
  
"Dana," a voice said softly from the doorway.  
  
Scully's head snapped up to see her sister Melissa standing in the doorway.  
  
"Bad day at work?" Melissa said settling down on the couch next to her little sister.   
"Something like that," Scully answered not really wanting to rehash the evening's events. "So what bring you all the way out here?"  
  
"I don't know. I just felt you might need someone to talk to," Melissa said going into what Scully liked to think of as 'New Age-y mode'. "Plus Mom told me you were quitting the FBI. Why?"  
  
"I just get the feeling that my talents could be better used elsewhere," Scully said trying to make it sound like no big deal.  
  
"Dana, you know that's not true. The FBI is your calling," Melissa replied. "I didn't come all the way out here to listen to you make excuses. Now why don't you tell me what's really bothering you."  
  
"You didn't have to come all the way out here Missy," Scully said feeling bad that her problems were becoming an issue for everyone she knew.  
  
"Well I tried to call but you obviously you weren't home," Melissa said. "And I tried your cell a few minutes ago but I think I got the wrong number or something because some guy answered."  
  
Scully reached into her pocket very confused. If Melissa had called only a few minutes ago then why did her phone ring on the way home? Inspecting the phone more closely, she recognized the slightly more battered model as Mulder's. So Mulder was wrong, she was as good as either of them thought. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, she opted to do both. Then, seeing her sister's confused look, Scully began to explain the whole story.   
  
**Stay Tuned for Chapter 7B** 


	10. Chapter 7 B

Meanwhile in Mulder's apartment  
  
Mulder sat with his head in hands wishing he could erase the last week from existence and start all over again. If only he could've been more rational with Scully and not let his feeling get the best of him, if only he could've actually listened to what she was saying and not just jumped to his own hastey conclusions, if only he had done any of those things...he probably still would've kissed her and she would've still run out the door.  
  
Suddenly, Mulder's thoughts were interupted by a strange noise coming from his bedroom door. He slowly got up and opened the door to find a pile of Lone Gunmen and boxes scattered across the floor.  
  
"Little help here?" Frohike said trying to shift in the mess.  
  
"Dude what happened," Langly asked taking in Mulder's defeated stance.  
  
"I blew it," Mulder said softly leaning against the doorframe.  
  
"I seriously doubt that you could've said anything that..." Byers began dusting himself off.  
  
"I kissed her," Mulder said cutting him off.  
  
"Lucky bastard," Frohike muttered as Langly shot him an evil look.  
  
"So uhm I'm guessing that she didn't take it very well by the fact that she's not here," Byers asked?  
  
"Well I suppose so," Mulder snapped.  
  
"Woah, woah, hold on a second there," Langly said. "Maybe this is what she wanted, but she didn't even know it. Maybe she was so surprised that she didn't know how to react."  
  
"Then why'd she leave?" Mulder asked.  
  
"Well the answer to that is obvious, she's overwhelmed by..." Byers began.  
  
"The fact that she's got choose between us," Frohike finished. Mulder, Langly, and Byers all shot him a look.  
  
"I think there's only one thing you can do in this situation," Langly said flopping into a chair in Mulder's living room. "Go talk to her."  
  
**Stayed Tuned for Chapter 8!!** 


End file.
